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I�wish I�had more time.
I wish my character hadnapos;t died in the Sims.
I�wish I�wasnapos;t so young.
I wish I didnapos;t feel so old.
I�wish I�could have a lavish wedding.
I�wish I could travel the world.
I�wish school wasnapos;t so hard.
I wish I�didnapos;t have so much homework.
I wish I�werenapos;t so lonely.
I wish I�was skinny.
I wish I was pretty.
I wish I�didnapos;t have so much laundry.
I�wish my feet werenapos;t so big.
I�wish my computer could be reformatted.
I�wish I�had a new digital camera.
I�wish I�had my own microprocessor.
I wish I had more money.
I�wish I�could afford life.
I�wish people would like me.
I wish I�werenapos;t a bitch.
I�wish I could take psychology classes.
I�wish I�had time to do art.
I�wish I�didnapos;t complain so much.
I wish I�had an iPod.
I�wish I�didnapos;t have ADD.
I�wish I�didnapos;t have bipolar disorder.
I�wish bipolar medication didnapos;t make me feel so shitty.
I�wish people would listen to me.
I�wish I�had more clothes.
I�wish I�had more shoes.
I wish I�had a different purse.
I�wish I�was healthier.
I�wish I�could sleep in my dorm.
I wish my hair would do what itapos;s supposed to.
I�wish my nails wouldnapos;t break.
I wish I�felt appreciated.
I wish I�felt needed.
I�wish my scars would disappear.
I wish I�was smaller.
I wish I�could run away.
I�wish I�could disappear.
I wish people would notice me.
I�wish it was always autumn.
I�wish I�could spend more time with Dan.
I�wish I�could spend more time with my family.
I wish I could spend more time with my friends.
I�wish I�hadnapos;t lost touch with so many people.
I�wish I�could take a vacation.
I�wish I had a new job.
I�wish I�wasnapos;t so lazy.
I�wish I�exercised more.
I�wish I�had more motivation.
I�wsih I�could fast forward life.
I�wish I�could pause time.
I�wish I�could feel alive.

I�wish I�wasnapos;t such a failure.


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Bitterness, insecurity, lonliness, a slight bit of anger Iapos;m not sure of.

All the thoughts going through my head right now.

For the first time I wish I didnapos;t love you as much, and thatapos;s the last thing I want to feel.

I know itapos;s mean to say, but I know Iapos;m gonna say it: Saying words softly is only an indication that you want to say them, and you know they hurt. Just say them. I need to hear it. I canapos;t quit you anytime soon and the tougher it is for me, the easier I can live.

I canapos;t help but wonder if it was, "Miss" Zpv upp, or just a response to, "Have a good day." Itapos;s probably the first.
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I read over my journal yesterday to reflect on what has transpird over the past month or so and it was a bit of a drag. Kinda brought me down a notch. But at the same time Iapos;m glad that Iapos;ve been able to keep a relatively level head throughout everything and in the big picture Iapos;m .....well I wouldnapos;t say Iapos;m -happy- but..you know. I think Iapos;m doing okay with the hand Iapos;ve been dealt.

I donapos;t really blame myself so much for the way things turned out between Meghan and I anymore. We both played our parts. Frankly the more I think about it the more...I donapos;t know...bitter? I get about the whole thing. You guys were right about being too nice. It took me some time to come around, but I did.

Weapos;re meeting with a mediator on the 3rd of next month to get everything officially sorted out regarding the house and finalizing the divorce. So thatapos;s good. A step forward in the right direction.

Anyway - when I was still at the house and I sympathized with her and was all "This is all my fault, you poor thing. Just because Iapos;m leaving doesnapos;t mean I wonapos;t help you if you need it." Well today I got an email from her.

She informed me that there was a bug going around the office and as a result she missed a couple of Saturdays - which she figured into her budget to make ends meet. And now she thinks sheapos;s going to come up short this month - do I think I can I help her out?

First thing that crosses my mind? A bug going around the office? Mmhm. Sure. You sure you werenapos;t out late on Friday with your boss screwinapos; around and just decided not to work the following day? Or maybe the two of you hooked up on Saturday instead of going to work?

I guess I am a little bitter, eh? She does have manipulative tendencies, though. I guess thatapos;s another reason why I think like that.

I reply asking how much she thinks shes going to be short.

Her response - ver batim: "i know this is a lot, but $500 would make me comfortable."

Oh really? Thatapos;d make you comfortable? Let me get my checkbook.

I respond and tell her that thereapos;s simply no way I can swing that much. $100, $200 -maybe-. With this next paycheck I have to pay rent for next month ($450), utilities for this month ($200ish) and weapos;re going to be filling up the propane (propane heat) tank - but weapos;re putting that off until the end of the month since prices are dropping so rapidly. So I wouldnapos;t really have a definite answer until the end of the month.

The response that follows was to the tune of "Alright, nevermind. Thanks for considering it though."

I know some of you reading this are thinking "What the hell, why would you even consider helping her?" but then Iapos;d remind you that my name is still on the mortgage, so if that doesnapos;t get paid then it hurts me too.

I just want to get this shit behind me, man.
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ca posey

Miten min� voin odottaa yhden ainoan ihmisen n�kemist� n�in paljon?
Ja yleens�kin helsinkiin p�sy� vaikka k�yn tavallaan helsingiss� koulua...?

On ihanan syksyist� kun sataa.
Rakastan t�n�n esim. Aamuja, pullaa ja kahvia, tuoksukynttil�it� odottamisen tunnetta, lomaa, j�nnityst� sit� kun ei tied� ihan varmasti mit� t�n�n tapahtuu;)


Olen taas t�n�n aika onnellinen ja iloinen, ja ihan syyst�kin. Nyt tuntuu ett� el�n itse�ni varten

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